Numa Numa Wily
by ElecmanEXE
Summary: It is the year 190X, a couple of years before Battle Network 1, there is a story of the great evil one. His origins, his tragedy, that were once great mystery, are now explained, in this PG13 AU Poetry. Please read and review, I appreciate feedback, becau


**Numa Numa Wily**

Now gather around, children, gather closely

For the tale I'm going to tell should not be listened loosely.

This is a tale that was once told far and wide,

But its time went away with the tide.

This tragic tale takes place long, long ago,

When every single person was still wearing a fro.

It's a tale about two young men,

Who were once upon a time, two best friends.

But this friendship was soon sent astray,

For these two friends were forced to part ways.

This tale starts out long, long ago,

In about, one hundred years ago.

The year at the time was 190X,

It really was 100 years ago, which explains the single X.

The X wasn't the only thing that was single,

The two friends whom I've mentioned were also single.

Oh, and that reminds me, something I've forgotten to mention,

This story is filled love, romance where the two men crave attention,

In their quest to obtain from a woman so fine and divine,

Heaps and heaps of loving affection.

Now where was I because that comes later,

You darn kids distract me like a polka-dotted alligator.

Ah yes, we're in 190X,

In the time when teenagers still had unprotected sex.

Our two heroes didn't have sex,

So you two can pull your pants up and put on your damn Spandex. (God, my eyes!)

Our two heroes, their names were Hikari and Wily,

They just out of university, so they were pretty lively.

One was into robotics, machines, and transformers,

The other was into programs, internets, and navigators.

They both laughed and played, their friendship was strong,

They wandered the world fighting, righting what's wrong.

Wily's robots punched, crunched, and burned,

While Hikari's computer programs hacked, slashed, and burned,

They were quite the heroic team, you'd admit, as long as you weren't the one being burned.

The two were really smart, and nobody can't deny,

For their IQs, unlike others', we're soaring sky high.

Now, our two heroes, I'm sure you know who's which,

Were in quite a bit of a pinch.

They both needed research grants from the government,

But only one will get it, while the other gets only a mint.

But money wasn't everything that was in need,

Because there was a girl, for whom, they'd do any deed.

And this girl, her name was irrevelant,

But for simplicity's sake, let's call her Rosalin the Malevolent.

Now, this Rosalin was evil, if you couldn't really tell,

She played with both men (or boys) until that fateful day, when she fell in a well.

Now the circumstances were funny to most,

Because everybody thought she's just like compost,

But I had thought otherwise for I loved her the most.

ahem Wily and Hikari both bared their teeth,

As they prepared for their speeches they have to give, on that day in fifty weeks.

Rosalin, being evil, hopped and danced around,

Breaking their friendship with the hate that's floating around.

Wily built and built, his monsters of steel,

And Hikari typed and typed, his programs of teal.

Both Wily and Hikari both proclaimed to Rosalin,

That they'll announce their love to her after the contest which they'll win,

But all that she did to both was the same,

She petted their genius heads and said "You'll win the game."

Wily, unlike Hikari, had a trick up his sleeve,

It will make other people, like Hikari, in shame, just leave.

It was a special dance move that transcends all peeves.

He practiced it with his robots, the dudes that transformed,

Day and night they practiced, ready to perform.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the lab, Hikari was ready,

Working at a slow rate, which he called "Very steady",

He was ready to beat his rival whom he called "Silly and petty."

His army of servers and internets, and a great bid admin,

Was all that he needed, to win the heart of Rosalin.

Now here I'd like to mention, their waist sizes, at least,

All of this reclusive working, made them act like beasts.

They worked hour after hour, chugging on some pizzas,

And when they ran out, they'd move on to fatty tortillas.

As this point in time, it might seem gay,

But to be honest, they ate all day.

Hikari was already fat, so it didn't really matter,

But Wily became fat too, 'cause his size 60 pants proved that he was fatter.

And now, the fateful day has come,

Each party was ready, carrying their celebratory rum.

Crowds of people gathered, and flocked to their seats,

Unknown that today, is the coming of the Apolcaleepse.

Wily and Hikari stood up on center stage,

Waving at Rosalin, while pretending to be sage.

Wily was first, and he posed, as the crowds started to cheer,

Then put on his sunglasses, and over his breasts and tummy, some shiny metal gears.

He brought up his robots (called Copyroids) up through the gates,

They were named Circusman and Woodman, mascots of Wily's mates.

He turned off the stage lights and with his hands made a V,

Then he cued music, spotlights, and fangirls' glee,

And finally, the plasma wide-screen TV.

When the troupe started dancing, the show became a disaster,

Wily, Circusman, and Woodman, made the crowd burst into laughter.

The show was really perfect, well rehearsed with style,

But fat guys and robots dancing, the laughter was heard for miles,

They jumped and turned, leaned forward, leaned back, and jiggled their things, wiggling their fats,

In physics, the term "standing waves" is used to describe their fats, but ironically, their bodies did just that.

Wily pumped his arms in the air puckering his lips, he danced across stage like Haruhi on crack,

And when he took off his XXXXXXXXXXL shirt, he broke somebody's back.

Circusman jumped and hopped, his waistline jiggling to no end,

His many handed arms, compared to Wily, were a godsend.

And don't get started with Woodman, as it was horrible to see,

His jiggling wooden body, is not an illusion that one would like to see,

So you silly Woodman fanboys and fangirls, don't squeal with glee.

And don't get me started with the face expressions for they were killer to see,

I don't want to say any more, the memories are horrible,

Now Lan Hikari, I shall enact my revenge of a hundred years on you, which is terrible,

I shall use my LifeVirus to destroy the world and soothe the wounds it wrought,

The humiliation, the shame, and despair at the loss of my fame, fortune, and funding,

And maybe finally erase the woes of the loss, of my dear Rosalin.

You hear me Tadashi! It is not you, in the end who shall win!

Your grandson's future is going to be cut thin!

Not so fast Wily! Lan Hikari yelled.

Rockman and I will defeat your LifeVirus, we can really tell,

The end of your plans of world domination is what I foretell!

Plug-in Rockman! Transmissions! Let's fight!

Let's delete this crummy virus and go make out with Meiru tonight!

Not so fast, Lan! Dr. Wily yelled, You have not won, you crummy little prick!

Dr. Wily reached over and grabbed Lan by the collar,

He then proceeded to beat Lan with a stick,

Poor Lan was beaten fairly hard, all that fighting for naught,

The world watching the fight, everybody was shocked and fraught,

Wily was laughing, the beaten hero, surprisingly caught.

Now Wily was crazy, an old coot per se,

He was worse than Farnsworth, who was older than they say.

The decrepid old man, once again took off his shirt,

And started dancing to Numa Numa, as Lan hit the dirt.

Let's just say that the LifeVirus did nothing,

Because by the time it launched all was dead, everyone, and everything.

Their eyes had imploded from watching a dancing boobless old man,

And guess what? It's AU, so your complaints aren't worth a damn.

THE END (HA! HA!)

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Author's Notes:

Random fic with random ideas thrown around. I wouldn't call it a crack fic (It's not good enough) but it was meant to be one.

It's not a poem just because it rhymes, any flaming on that part will only get you horrible rhyming puns.

I know some lines don't rhyme and there's no set rhyming scheme,

but you know what? I don't care, it's called poetic license you philistines! (No offense to most).

1337 words including the title! I own! XD ph33r me!


End file.
